


All Yours

by KASPIAN (orphan_account)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Barebacking, M/M, Mild underage, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 19:15:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16603925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/KASPIAN
Summary: Kyungsoo wants is to reach out, even though the word 'Taboo' runs like a mantra within his mind.





	All Yours

 

Recently, Jongin has been coming home late.

As of now at the age of nineteen, he begins to do many reckless things.

He dyes his hair silver-blond with enough bleach that the bathroom stinks for hours. He gets a puzzle tattoo on his left wrist, carved there with black frames without telling his mother, hiding it underneath shirts and jackets, even though the weather is warm.

He has spent the last year taking a Sabbath year to scrape and gather money, to travel around the world with a couple of friends and to hang around.

It is summer vacation by now, and he barely sleeps at all, because when dusk falls he is out dancing between crowds of underdressed people: intoxicated by smoke, colors and booming music.

He only has a little more than a month left until he starts in college where he has to move away and live on campus instead, leaving his family behind.

Leaving Kyungsoo behind.

And Kyungsoo is upset.

Yet he quenches the uneasiness and dares not to confront the subject, because he knows that by now his brother will grow up and eventually leave him behind nonetheless.

He knows that Jongin is kind and sincere, but also that he is an untamed youth who at this point seeks adrenaline rushes as if it is drugs - in all the different ways than his younger, seventeen year old brother does or might ever do.

Because Kyungsoo has always been a little quieter than the rest.

Throughout his life, he has never been bullied or anything alike, but has been seen as a diligent kid – with perhaps a scary stare every now and then. Silent and reserved, but approachable nonetheless with a few but treasured friends. He is the kid with a beautiful voice who occasionally gets to sing during the school musicals and ballads.

Jongin is the opposite.

He has been a little troublemaker for the most of it, but is the type who knows how to charm people and wrap the teachers around his pinky finger. His comebacks are deft and quick, and with his natural beauty plus a top position during dance classes, he has always been a rather popular kid – even though he only lets in those he thinks deserves his trust. He lives to be seen, to perform and charm the lot while he is on stage, but can be moody, sheepish and also reserved behind the scenes.

Despite being opposites in some matters, the two brothers have always been close, and Jongin is the protective kind who will glare menacingly at anyone who gets too close to his brother in the wrong way.

Yet that changes too.

It all changes, because puberty knocks the front door down, and soon Kyungsoo is just a kid, and Jongin is an adult who is soon to move out and live between individuals of older ages.

He parties and invites many friends over, and even though he invites Kyungsoo to join in, Kyungsoo does just not fit in. He is not good at games and would rather watch cartoons and play things such as Tetris or Sims, not Counter Strike Source and War Zone.

He does not drink either, so when Sehun, Taemin and Moonkyu throw a bottle at him and sing in a chorus for him to chug, he escapes out of the room and leaves Jongin behind.

In return, Jongin spends much more time out, and barely looks Kyungsoo in the eyes anymore but ruffles his hair and throws a ‘’See you, Soo,’’ before he is out the door, as he has done ever since he was in the middle of his last year of high school.

Nevertheless, puberty also affects Kyungsoo. He can tell that by the time he starts looking at other boys more often, eyes flighty and cheeks red during P.E - where all his classmates in his all-boys high school take off their clothes to change.

His voice becomes darker but tender, and at the same time squeaky and breaks over embarrassingly. His limbs grow and become foreign or strange to him, but not as much as he would like. He is still skinny but has chubby cheeks that are yet to accustom.

It only grows worse when he gets eyes for his older brother in a different way than before. He has always known that he likes his brother, that is for sure – maybe a little more than what is considered average. They used to share everything, do everything together even if Kyungsoo was younger. They even shared the same bed until Jongin turned fifteen and said it felt uncomfortable, and Kyungsoo had never known why.

They have just grown so distant over the years, and it pains Kyungsoo because he comes to realize that there is a reason as to why he gets butterflies in his stomach whenever he sees his older brother, even if it makes him more nauseous than it makes him happy.

There has always been a reason.

However, the word **TABOO** runs like a mantra in his head, and is the only thing that keeps him from reaching out.

‘’Are you going out again tonight?’’ Kyungsoo asks, drumming his fingers on one of the counters. He has been wading in circles in the kitchen for minutes now, deep in his thoughts when footsteps appear down the hall and a loosely dressed Jongin appears.

Jongin must have been working out a lot, because his form fills out unlike before – taut arms bare in the low muscle shirt he is wearing.

Despite already being sun-kissed by nature, he has gotten a tan too, and his silver hair is half hidden beneath a black OBEY cap. His legs look long in the rippled jeans he is wearing, and Kyungsoo swallows nervously when he sees how the muscles work when Jongin drapes a dark blue jacket over his shoulders, looking like he is ready to go out and blast off to loud music and whatnot.

‘’Yeah, Sehun and the guys are going to a newly opened nightclub some cities away from here,’’ he answers, simply. He comes forth and leans a little over the middle counter on the other side of where Kyungsoo stands.

Kyungsoo inches a little away, because he gets slightly tacky and fidgety from his hyung’s voice only, the deep tune Jongin makes even if he only talks casually. It is no better that his shirt dips down low from the position and displays a bit of his chest.

‘’Have fun,’’ is all the younger says, tucking back all the words and questions he really wants to shoot. He averts Jongin’s eyes and turns around, standing on tip toes to reach into one of the upper cupboards.

He nearly knocks down the whole row of cups when he feels something poke against the lower bend of his back, a gasp escaping his mouth as he turns around and gives Jongin an incredulous stare.

Warmth spreads from the touch like a wildfire.

Jongin presses two of his fingers against the skin, having leaned over the counter and reached his hand out since Kyungsoo’s shirt has sneaked up from the strain.

‘’You’re so pale, Soo,’’ the blond says, and he is not smiling or frowning either. There is something thoughtful in his voice.

‘’Newsflash: I’ve always been pale,’’ Kyungsoo snaps at him and bats the hand away, making Jongin laugh.

‘’You’ve just… grown. You know,’’ Jongin continues, even when Kyungsoo gives him the stink-eye. ‘’Seventeen, right?’’

Kyungsoo blinks his eyes. ‘’Yes... I’m seventeen,  _ duh _ , we have birthday almost the same day’’ he answers, and the look on Jongin’s face is unreadable.

It looks like something is troubling him.

‘’You should’ve known,’’ the younger murmurs in a way that is a bit harsher than what he means it to be.

Jongin swallows and this time he is the one who looks away. ‘’Sorry,’’ he says, and something tells Kyungsoo that it is not the only thing he is apologizing for.

Jongin turns away and adjusts his jacket, and Kyungsoo is looking at the floor, not noticing the looks granted at his pale, bared stomach from the shirt still being ridden up.

‘’You’ll come back early, won’t you?’’ Kyungsoo suddenly asks, distracting Jongin from the gazing.

‘’Kyungsoo…,’’ he answers, in that tone that implies that the answer should already be known.

This is the part where Kyungsoo realizes that this is the first proper conversation he has had with his brother in weeks.

There is not much time left – none at all.

They might end up not knowing each other in time if it continues like this. Jongin might easily find someone else, probably a beautiful dancer considering where he will be studying and improving his dancing. Nevertheless, it does not matter. It is none of Kyungsoo's business.

Something in his gut feels heavy, as if an anchor settles there.

He does not answer, but only glares the other way – fingers budging and stretching. He inhales deeply and then sighs – counts to ten. It will be all right, eventually, he thinks.

‘’Have fun,’’ he says, again – just as lifelessly.

He trots out of the kitchen, does not miss the way Jongin tries to reach out for him.

He stomps away and ignores the affronted ‘’Kyungsoo!’’, shutting the door to his room shut and locks it afterwards.

He hears Jongin knocking, voice thick through the door.

‘’Why’re you mad, Soo? You know I can’t take you with me… laws and all that,’’ he says, and Kyungsoo knows he has no coherent answer.

No appropriate answer can respond to the tumult within his chest as Jongin knocks on the door again, pleading with a low ‘’Soo, please open the door…’’

Kyungsoo’s hands are shaking and he feels jittery everywhere. He stands with his back against the door and feels every time another knock lands on the wooden surface.

‘’I miss you,’’ he whispers, words barely audible.

‘’What did you say?’’ Jongn grabs the doorknob, trying to wrestle it down.

Kyungsoo runs his hands through his hair and down his eyes, resting his face in his palms.  **‘’I miss you’’** he says, this time loud and clear. 

The knocking stops.

His heart is hammering against his ribcage. He expects something – just anything.

He does not expect to hear Jongin trail down the corridor, front door of the house slamming shut a few seconds later.

Bile gathers in his throat.

He slides down the door and draws his knees up to his chest.

He is not sure as for what he has done wrong. He only confessed the truth.

He only said that he misses his brother dearly, even if it is not only in the brotherly way. He wonders if Jongin could sense it – could sense that  **something** that borders the sibling line.

He wonders if Jongin hates him.

Is disgusted with him.

He can barely help it when his sight starts to blur and tears brim at the corners of his eyes, soon rolling down his cheeks in rows as the first sob rips itself free from his chest and bubbles up his throat.

He hugs his knees close and cries into them, feeling how his eyelashes smudge against his eyelids when he rubs his face there and lets it out.

He wakes up with a start in the middle of the night, breath hasty and adrenaline rushing through his limbs.

A loud noise of something splintering reverberates through the hall, followed by some low murmuring that he does not recognize. His parents are on a vacation right now and should first be home in some weeks, and his brother implied he would not be home until tomorrow or days later.

He raises himself from the bed and walks out in the hall on tiptoes, making sure not to make any sudden noises.

On the way, he has grabbed a baseball bat he had in his closet, rounding it up over his shoulder to swing it in case a stranger has intruded the house.

When he makes it to the kitchen, he sees that the light is on and a vase is shattered to pieces on the marble floor.

He startles when a hand shoots out from the dark behind him and grabs him, making him lose his grip on the baseball bat. The palm clamps over his mouth to muffle him when he shrieks, and he finds his back pushed against someone larger than himself.

‘’Shhh, don’t wake the neighbors,’’ a drowsy, deep voice sounds next to him, and a warm breath fans over the shell of his ear.

Kyungsoo immediately wrestles himself free and goes over to turn on the hall light, turns around to see that Jongin stands there, slumped against the wall but with a lewd smirk on his face.

He looks the same as before, save for the lack of a hat, and his silver hair reflects the light coming from the lamp in the ceiling, disheveled and messy. His eyes are hooded and a tiny bit red, nothing too serious.

Kyungsoo instantly knows that he must be drunk.

Yet he is surprised, because Jongin is usually quiet as a mouse whenever he gets home from parties, or otherwise he sleeps somewhere else or brings a girl home to spend the night.

‘’Did I scare you?’’ he asks, chuckling as he covers his own mouth, feigning innocence. It looks silly and exaggerated.

Kyungsoo hisses through his teeth and shakes his head.

‘’How did you even get here? You can’t drive when you’re drunk,’’ he reasons.

Jongin only flaps a hand in his direction, not bothering to answer – mumbling something about Sehun driving him home for being a whiny pain in the .

‘’Go to sleep,’’ the younger then says, thinking he will probably be the one to clean the mess up.

But Jongin is ahead of him and grabs his wrist, tugging him close.

‘’Don’t wanna,’’ he says and sticks his tongue out at his brother, grinning haughtily.

Kyungsoo pretends not to notice the warmth spreading from his hand to his stomach at the sudden touch. He tries to back away, but Jongin does not allow him.

‘’Kyungsoo,’’ he murmurs, and he backs him up against the wall until they are standing close. The difference in height makes Kyungsoo need to crane his neck to maintain eye contact.

‘’Did you miss me?’’ Jongin asks, leaning down to bump their foreheads together.

From the lack of distance, Kyungsoo can smell the alcohol in Jongin’s breath. ‘’Did you miss your hyung?’’ Jongin whispers again, and despite the smell, his breath is warm and pleasant across his brother’s lips.

Jongin’s grip is soft and not demanding, but a pledge, as if to signal him not to go anywhere, just to stay – just like this.

‘’Ye-‘’ Kyungsoo’s voice cracks over, and he ducks his head in embarrassment. ‘’yes,’’ he answers, jutting his lower lip out in a pout.

Jongin seems pleased by this. ‘’How much did you miss me?’’ he drawls, and the space between them keeps getting snugger.

Kyungsoo averts eye contact.

Heat collects in his cheeks, and he is sure the blush is obvious on his pale skin – a great contrast that always gives him away. ‘’I missed you a lot,’’ he murmurs as quietly as he can.

‘’Say it again,’’ Jongin promptly requests.

‘’I missed you a lot, hyung.’’

A smile spreads on Jongin’s face. ‘’Good,’’ he whispers, voice suddenly throaty.

‘’I’ve missed you so much too, baby Soo,’’ he coos, and it sounds sweet, if it was not for the digging into the lower part of Kyungsoo’s stomach, making the latter gasp in surprise as they are pressed flush against each other.

‘’Soo,’’ Jongin whispers, resting his lips against Kyungsoo’s ear, nipping at the shell, hands held on the wall beside the younger to keep himself upright. ‘’I don’t think-‘’ his voice dies down and he takes a deep, deep inhale. ‘’I don’t think you know how much I want you.’’

The words are like a punch to the younger boy’s gut, and his hips involuntarily jut forward, getting another slide of Jongin’s clothed into his thin cotton shirt.

He is a bundle of hormones and needs, and even though Jongin is the one who is intoxicated, he feels just as drunk on the words said into his ear.

‘’Jongin,’’ his voice is light, a soft moan from the sudden pulse running through him.

Jongin makes a low sound, burying his face in the crook of Kyungsoo’s throat. ‘’You’ll let your hyung take care of you, right?’’ he mouths the contour of Kyungsoo’s adams apple and likes the way he can feel the latter swallow, withdrawing himself then to look him in the eyes.

He runs a hand down and cups the younger’s through the sweatpants, listening to the way Kyungsoo cries out, sees how his eyes widen and he looks shocked, but also terribly excited.

Kyungsoo has got the round eyes of an owl as he watches Jongin fall to his knees in front of him, watching him press his mouth against the flat stomach and into Kyungsoo’s navel through the shirt, his breath warm and pleasant.

‘’I’ll make you feel good,’’ Jongin croons the words out slowly as he tugs down in the sweatpants, and Kyungsoo has to stand his ground and rest his weight against the wall to keep himself upright.

Jongin’s hands are big and warm, slipping underneath the elastic band of the boxers to grab Kyungsoo’s . The impact it has on the younger is immediate, the way he gasps loudly, lower part of his back arching off to get more of the contact.

Jongin strokes his brother's until it curves finely against the cotton shirt, pre- beading at the slit, and he listens to how the younger unravels in front of him.

He has to bend a little in his back to reach the same level as he takes the into his mouth, enveloping it between his soft inner cheeks as he sucks hard until his cheeks hollow, knees meanwhile scraping against the marble floor to adjust.

Kyungsoo’s knees are shaking, and Jongin has to keep his hands on his hips so that he does not fall or slide down.

‘’Jongi-  _ uhn- _ ‘’ Kyungsoo grits out small sinful noises that only makes Jongin take more in, bobbing his head in a fast pace while he hums around the shaft.

Kyungsoo cannot stop moving his hips, and his knees knock together due to the overwhelming warmth gathering in his thighs and abdomen. He barely comprehends that he comes, nearly bucked in half over Jongin’s head as he cums into Jongin’s mouth, hiccups escaping his lips afterwards from the intensity.

He feels his limbs tire a bit, but immediately takes note of the circumstances when Jongin comes up again while wiping his mouth. ‘’I’m sorry—I didn’t—‘’ Kyungsoo feels embarrassed because he came too fast, without any warning. He hastily tugs his pants up again.

Jongin shushes him and takes his hand. ‘ _ ’ _ Don’t worry. It was good for me too,’’ he talks against Kyungsoo’s mouth and the tip tongue over his lower lip, eliciting an audible exhale from the other.

‘’Can I--- to you too?’’ Kyungsoo grows a little courageous, looking up with hopeful eyes.

‘’I got a better idea,’’ Jongin responds, taking a gentle hold of the other’s hand, leading him to his own room.

They end up seated on the double-sized bed, with Jongin resting his back against the headboard and Kyungsoo on his lap.

Jongin is a little hazed due to the alcohol in his veins, but takes he the lead anyway, and is by far the most experienced of them. The both of them are panting hotly into each other’s mouths, kissing, biting, and sucking.

Kyungsoo feels airy in his head. There are so many sensations to take in all at once, and he is already aroused again, uncomfortable in his sweatpants.

Jongin distracts him by drawing his shirt over his head, murmuring a small ‘’god, you’re so beautiful,’’ while he scatters kisses wherever possible and caresses every mole he can find. They undress each other until the both of them are , rutting against one another.

The room is full of warm air and the smell of . Each touch sends a jolt down Kyungsoo’s spine, and his mouth is feebly hanging open when Jongin slides his between his buttocks and over his entrance, but never in.

Jongin grabs Kyungsoo’s chin and makes him look him in the eyes.

Despite his drunken state, he mutters a soft: ‘’do you want this, Kyungie?’’ using the old-time nickname he stopped granting years ago.

The other nods, pecking his brother on the lips for good measure. ‘’Yeah,’’ he whispers. ‘’I want it. I want you,’’ his voice almost croaks in the process at the sudden swell of emotions bubbling in his chest. ‘’I want you, Jongin. I always have.’’

Something softens in the blond’s eyes, and he caresses Kyungsoo’s lips in such a chaste, loving and innocent kiss.

‘’I’ve wanted you for so long, Soo. I was so confused. You were always there, so lovely, but so young. You were too young – we were both young and- I’m ed up,’’ he murmurs, and he blabbers on too hurriedly due to the lack of filter, but his words are honest.

‘’When you grow older… move in with me. Stay with me, live with me,’’ his breath stutters. ‘’I can’t bear to see you leave,’’ he kisses him again, so soft and tender. ''Promise me, Kyungsoo. Even if you shouldn’t. Promise me.''

Kyungsoo is in a loss of words. ''Yes,'' he answers, faintly.

The mere fact that Jongin is begging him not to leave is incredulous to him, but different kinds of tears well up in his eyes now as he nods until he has to wipe them away.

‘’I’m so glad,’’ he chokes back the rest and smiles through it, a big heart-shaped smile Jongin has longed to see. He is happy, although blindly. He knows Jongin is drunk. He knows Jongin is not in a right state of mind. He knows this is wrong in so many ways. He knows they are not meant to be.

But he takes it all anyway, just for tonight.

He lets Jongin stretch him open with lubed fingers, diligently spreads his buttocks to make it easier and moans lightly as Jongin pumps a finger in and out slowly as if Kyungsoo is a fragile treasure.

Kyungsoo rocks onto the fingers and begs Jongin to add some more, to make it burn and ache and bring pleasure at the same time.

Jongin is planting pretty and bloomy love bites on his throat while Kyungsoo in return rests his face against the side of Jongin’s face, gasping and groaning against his silver hair.

When he is ready, Jongin guides the crown of his against the entrance, nudging it there. There is no ; there is contact, insecurity and raw feelings. It is dangerous, but not as dangerous as the threat headed to Kyungsoo’s heart.

However, Kyungsoo’s chest stills when Jongin presses a fond kiss against his temple and whispers: ‘’I love you.’’

Kyungsoo sinks down on the cockhead and soaks in bits of the shaft, but not all of it. The stretch burns, but not as much as the words that are spilled.

‘’You’re drunk, Jongin,’’ he says through shaky vocals, eyes burning. He lowers himself anyway in one go and takes it all in. He barely sees the hurt crossing Jongin’s eyes.

Jongin leans forward and topples his brother over until Kyungsoo is lined between the mattress of the bed and the weight of the elder.

Kyungsoo expects to be taken, right here and now – hard and fast.

Instead, Jongin barely moves, but slowly slides in, hips stuttering a bit.

‘’I love you,’’ he murmurs again.

Kyungsoo urges Jongin to go faster instead of listening.

Jongin draws a little back and takes a hold of his brother’s wrists, guiding one hand up to his own chest to flatten the palm there, letting Kyungsoo feel his heart maddeningly thud beneath the skin. ‘’I love you,’’ he repeats.

‘’I love you, Kyungsoo. Only you,’’ he says it repeatedly, and the look in his eyes is sober and serious.

He leans forward, voice desperate as he says it loud and clear while cupping Kyungsoo’s cheeks instead: ‘’Kyungsoo, why don’t you understand?  **_I love you!_ ** ’’

There is a moment where something finally breaches within Kyungsoo's heart.

Where something finally seeps through and he opens up, and tears roll down his cheeks and his fingers grasp at Jongin, wanting him closer – believing in the moment.

He moans and sobs Jongin’s name through pleasure and pain, he inhales his air and gives him new: he gives him the half of his heart and gets it all in return.

For every thrust, the smell of alcohol diminishes and is replaced by a smell and feeling of vanilla, warmth and proximity.

Vanilla is the innocent bloom of love – bared feelings and the faint memory of childhood and fond memories.

Warmth is the rush of their in- and exhaling, blood rushing through their veins to support every movement and ripple that they create together.

Proximity is their chests lined together, skin against skin, mouth against mouth and heart against heart, fingers entwined.

‘’I love you too,’’ Kyungsoo whispers against Jongin’s lips, almost deafened by the creaking of the bed for every time they reunite.

Kyungsoo wakes up the next morning, feeling sore and disoriented.

The first thing he notices is that the ceiling is not of the same color as his own. The second is that he does not own a double-sized bed.

The third is that while he should be sleeping alone, he is now huddled in someone’s embrace.

He looks over his shoulder and sees who is spooning him from behind, already knowing the answer. Rays of sunshine lazily soak through the white curtains and lights the room.

For a while, Kyungsoo only listens to his brother breathe next to him and counts the endless whirl of dust particles in the air where the sun can reach.

Then comes the anxiety, the increasing speed of his heart’s beating as if it blocks his throat and fights to get free.

He raises himself and shimmies out of the elder’s grasp, trying not to wake him up.

If he escapes unnoticed, Jongin might never notice that anything happened. Might not remember.

Kyungsoo winces at the cold wooden floor, but treads down nonetheless, breath kept in his chest – bare and as he tiptoes ahead.

His hand is hovering above the doorknob when a gruff ‘’Where do you think you’re going?’’ sounds behind him.

This is it, he thinks.

He is going to turn around and see Jongin stare angrily at him, loathing him: thinking he is disgusting for what he has done.

Instead, he feels a broad chest align against his back and a chin dig into one of his collarbones. An arm slings around his waist and tugs him closer.

Jongin kisses the side of Kyungsoo’s throat and sleepily murmurs - ‘’we haven’t finished morning cuddling yet, Soo…’’

Kyungsoo stills and his shoulders slump in relief.

A sense of euphoria twists his heart and makes him laugh quietly. ‘’Oh- I forgot…,’’ he murmurs and turns around.

Jongin cups his cheek and kisses him on the mouth. ‘’You promised me, right?’’

Kyungsoo blinks. ‘’Promised what?’’

‘’You’d move in with me when you grow older.’’

Kyungsoo does not answer for a while. ‘’Can we adopt too?’’ He tries to joke. He is not sure if he is happy or if he is sad, because this is still wrong.

But right now, it feels right.

Jongin grumbles. ‘’A puppy, at least.’’

Kyungsoo laughs, and this time it is with all teeth and gums. ‘’Okay,’’ he says. ‘’I promise.’’

‘’Hey Kyungie,’’ Jongin then murmurs.

‘’Yeah?’’

‘’I kind of… uh… got this tattoo for you.’’ He turns the underside of his arm up and shows the framed puzzle piece.

‘’So you could get one that matches. To- to show that we fit, y’know. I already have the papers on the one you’ll get, if you want to.’’

There is something in the air.

There is trouble looming in the distance and uncertainty in many ways, but there is also determination and something foolish – something as foolish and immoral as love.

There are years of pining, stolen looks and small conversations on phones that could not be said aloud.

There are many things.

Right now, there is only an answer.

‘’When I turn eighteen then,’’ Kyungsoo fondly says.

‘’When you turn eighteen,’’ Jongin repeats.

  
  



End file.
